One thing living abroad will teach you very quickly is this: moving to another country was only the first brave step. The real work comes after.
When you move abroad, everyone talks about the exciting part. The travel, the culture, the food, the cute cafés where you suddenly become the mysterious foreigner ordering coffee in another language. It’s a whole vibe. But here’s the quieter reality no one really mentions. You stepped out of your comfort zone to move here, and now you have to keep stepping out of it; over and over again.
I’ve shared before that there are plenty of ways to find community in Spain. Between Facebook groups, social clubs, language exchanges, and local events, there are definitely opportunities to meet people. In some ways, I actually feel like it’s easier to find community here than it was back home in the States.
But something else I’ve started noticing lately is this: sometimes you have to be the one who creates the community. And I know that can feel uncomfortable. Most of us secretly hope friendships will just happen. That someone else will plan the brunch. Someone else will organize the beach day. Someone else will send the message that says, “Hey, who wants to grab drinks?” But here’s where something interesting comes in. There’s a concept in psychology called the Bystander Effect.
It basically explains that when a group of people are present, everyone assumes someone else will take action. Because of that, no one actually does. Sound familiar? It happens socially all the time. You might be thinking about planning a brunch, a hike, or even just a casual coffee meetup. Meanwhile, three other people in your circle are probably thinking the exact same thing.
But everyone is waiting! Waiting for someone else to go first. And here’s the little mindset shift that changed things for me: sometimes you don’t just find community, you build it.
That brunch you were hoping someone would organize? Send the message. That nature hike you’ve been thinking about? Suggest a date. That casual “anyone want to grab a coffee this week?” text? You might be surprised how many people say yes.
The funny thing is, a lot of people are grateful when someone else takes the lead. They were just too nervous to be the one to do it. Living abroad has a funny way of teaching you confidence in places you didn’t expect. Not just navigating new cities or learning new systems, but learning how to step forward socially, too.
I can’t even count how many group chats I’ve been in that stay completely quiet… and then the second someone suggests a plan, suddenly everyone’s alive. Messages start rolling in, people are chiming in, and next thing you know, it turns into, “Oh, wait, are you free next weekend too?” It’s like one plan unlocks five more.
So take it from me, and maybe you’ve noticed this in your own life too, sometimes people aren’t uninterested, they’re just waiting for someone to go first. Consider this your little nudge that you might have to be the planner. Honestly, once you break the silence, you’ll probably realize everyone else was just waiting for the same thing. And the truth is, some of the best communities aren’t the ones you stumble into; they’re the ones you quietly help create. So if you’re living abroad and you’re waiting for someone to plan something, this might be your sign.
You might just be the planner your future friend group is waiting for.
Love always,
American Girl Meets World
